What Makes a Man

I have come across this question many times in my life, and I believe we too often rely on the assumption of, to answer this. What makes a man, other than the obvious physical aspects of course, has changed, yet too often we refer back to the traditional mindset. While some aspects have lasted through time and continue on to this day other parts need to be re-examined, questioned, and even possibly done away with. In the same aspect we must really question if we ourselves live up to these expectations.

Many cultures have traditions in which young boys must pass certain tests in order to enter manhood, and considered a man and in much of the same a warrior. Some of these most extreme tests you can find examples of on the Travel Channel, Discovery, or National Geographic. In Papa New Guinea young men and boys go through a skin cutting ritual so that their scars resemble that of a crocodile.

Some examples shown on National Geographic’s show Taboo, in the Amazon of Brazil boys must place their hand in a glove lined with stinging bullet ants a total of 20 different times. In a different tribe in Papua New Guinea young men must swallow 24 inches of raw cane into the pit of their stomach so they can symbolically die as boys and be reborn as men. In Benin, young men of the Fulani tribe must whip an opponent twice during a large public demonstration, then endure two hits themselves. This test of endurance is won if he is able to laugh in his opponent’s face. 1

Very often in these societies what constitutes a man and a woman are clearly defined roles, but in our societies today they are not. That which consists of a boy is seen as weak and feminine, being too close to his mother still, which is why in many of these rituals the boys figuratively die as boys only to be reborn as men. What we fail to realize is that a feminine man may not be the warrior man of the past, but can be every bit of a man if not more so than the soldier of today. Too often we want to measure manhood by some quantifiable amount of testosterone, bravery, or physical strength but we fail to see what truly makes him a man. Don’t get me wrong; women like a sense of safety but that could be when in his arms or walking down the street, financial security, or simply being able to trust him in their relationship. As we see though, there is variety in so many aspects of manhood and differ by situations and relationships.

So if there is so many differences can there be any consistent aspects of manhood that exists today? It’s hard to say, but I’ve been lucky enough to see living examples in my friends and family. Even in the warrior tribal sense honor has always been associated with being a man. Honor can be described as honesty, respect, and integrity. Honesty is a complex idea, not every man who lies is dishonest and those who tell the truth can at times be far from honest.

I’ve seen a good man sin
I’ve seen a tough man cry
I’ve seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie”2

In honesty we must connect it to integrity, the sad thing is that today words like integrity are not even discussed. It comes down to who you are as a person, you can have all the other characteristics of a man, but if you lack integrity you fail at what makes you a decent human.

Respect is what makes a man, respect for oneself, your family, and women. I know that we live in modern times with modern women and that not every woman is a good woman but the point still stands. I was raised to treat women and elders with respect, yet we seem to be living in a time where the exact opposite of this has become mainstream pop culture. Respect for ladies should not just stop at your mother and sisters, but treating them with the respect and dignity they deserve. Even if you don’t agree with this idea, we live in a society that if you can’t follow this, you end up looking shameful not her.

Humility, a woman likes a man with confidence but there is a difference between having confidence and being arrogant. Only in our own humility are we able to be sympathetic to others and see them at the very least as equals. I have had a very good life so far, but in the same sense I have come from humble beginnings, my parents had to work for things in life, not everything was a given. At the same time there are always those who have it worse, and understanding this concept will allow you to be a man and reach back to help those in need.

A gentleman carries himself in a proper manner, and acts in such as well. We must not confuse a gentleman as someone who carries some sort of social standing, but instead as the behavior in which he conducts himself. A gentleman can keep his cool in hot-tempered situations, understands humility and never boasts, and shows his respect by not being one to badmouth or undermine others. Being a gentleman is putting these characteristics into practice.

Morality and ethics, without them you fail as a person, but more so than that it is having virtue. In being ethical you do the right thing, you let your morals guide you other than emotions or desires. This is not limited to just yourself, but preserving others virtue, including that of a woman’s. This may be the most challenging but it is also one of the most defining characteristics and often the most noted upon.

Responsibility, any boy can create a child but it takes a man to be there for his family. One thing that I learned from the man that raised me, my father, is responsibility. I do not try to be everyone’s friend and I realize that not everyone will like me no matter how much I try. What matters to me, at the end of the day is that when all is said and done, even if they don’t like me they can depend on me. That they know if they called me that I would be there for them. Now I am not in the business of trying to be used, but if I were truly needed I would be there for them.
Intelligence, I am not saying that you have to be smart to be a man, and I’m sure many women would happily agree with this. There is a difference between what is smart and what is intelligent. Why would intelligence have anything to do with a man, because it provides substance, problem-solving skills, and abilities that are required of you as a man.

A man is not defined by the role he plays with his significant other, because if you are not a man as you stand on your own, then even with that person you never truly were a man. * A man faces his problems and deals with issues straightforward, that is why so often it is referred to as “to man up.” No one is perfect and I can admit where I have stumbled and in some cases fallen, but as long as you continue to strive for such is what in the end really makes you a man. Point being, “The difference between men and boys are the lessons they learn.” 3 If all else fails or if we fail individually we must take these lessons and apply them.

* I use significant other instead of woman because sexuality does not limit or define you as being or not being a man.

1) Citation Link
2) Everlast – What Its Like
3) Movie – Biker Boys

Photo found via Flickr.

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